Fear of Abandonment & Rejection: A Personal Checklist

Fear of abandonment and rejection can lead to anxiety in relationships, difficulties in setting boundaries, and a strong need for reassurance. When we carry these fears, it often stem from past experiences where our emotional needs weren’t met or where relationships felt unreliable. 

This checklist is designed to help you explore if these fears are influencing your behavior, thoughts, and emotions. Recognizing these patterns can be the first step toward breaking free from them and learning to cultivate healthier, more secure connections.

*Disclaimer

This checklist is designed for personal reflection and is not intended as a substitute for professional guidance. The questions are based on personal experiences and may help you identify potential patterns. Self-awareness is important, but it's crucial to seek professional support for accurate assessment and treatment. 

This website does not provide medical or psychological advice, and we are not responsible for any interpretations or actions taken based on the results of this checklist.

Section 1: Anxiety in Relationships

1. Do you often feel anxious that your close relationships will end unexpectedly?

2. Do you worry excessively about people leaving or “abandoning” you?

3. Are you often concerned about saying or doing something that could make others reject you?

4. Do you seek frequent reassurance from loved ones that they care about you?

5. Do you feel the need to be constantly available to others in fear they may lose interest?

6. Do you feel distressed if someone you care about doesn’t respond to you right away?

7. Do you often question your self-worth if someone criticizes or disagrees with you?

8. Are you prone to overthinking your interactions, worrying you may have pushed others away?

9. Do you feel highly uncomfortable or insecure in relationships when you sense emotional distance?

10. Do you feel afraid to express negative emotions because you think it may lead to rejection?

Section 2: Difficulty with Boundaries

1. Do you often struggle to set boundaries because you fear it will push people away?

2. Are you more likely to say “yes” to others even when you want to say “no”?

3. Do you avoid asserting your needs to prevent possible conflict or rejection?

4. Do you feel guilty for prioritizing your own needs over others’?

5. Do you find yourself feeling “needy” or “clingy” in relationships to feel secure?

6. Are you uncomfortable when someone you care about spends time with others?

7. Do you tend to downplay your emotions or needs to keep people from feeling burdened by you?

8. Do you feel anxious about asking for personal space, fearing it might be interpreted as rejection?

9. Do you find it difficult to let go of relationships that are unhealthy for fear of being alone?

10. Do you constantly check in with others, seeking validation that they still care about you?

Section 3: Fear of Being Alone

1. Do you feel uncomfortable or anxious when spending time alone?

2. Are you often unhappy or restless when friends or family make plans without including you?

3. Do you experience a deep sense of dread or sadness at the thought of being alone?

4. Do you struggle to feel complete or satisfied when not in a relationship?

5. Are you prone to entering or staying in relationships out of fear of being alone?

6. Do you have difficulty making independent decisions, relying on others for reassurance?

7. Are you inclined to stay in unhealthy friendships or relationships to avoid loneliness?

8. Do you experience feelings of worthlessness or despair when not surrounded by others?

9. Do you sometimes feel “lost” or “empty” when by yourself, even for short periods?

10. Are you willing to compromise on your values or desires just to have companionship?

Section 4: Sensitivity to Rejection

1. Do you often take others’ comments or behaviors personally, feeling they’re directed against you?

2. Are you easily hurt when others don’t include you in plans or activities?

3. Do you become defensive when receiving feedback, fearing it’s a form of rejection?

4. Do you feel devastated if someone you care about spends less time with you?

5. Are you prone to assuming the worst when people are unavailable or distant?

6. Do you seek continuous approval from others to feel valued?

7. Do you feel uncomfortable being around people who seem indifferent or unresponsive?

8. Are you often convinced that people will eventually lose interest in you?

9. Do you become anxious when loved ones don’t explicitly affirm their affection?

10. Do you feel compelled to keep conversations going, fearing silence may mean disinterest?

Section 5: Emotional Reactions to Perceived Abandonment

1. Do you experience intense sadness or even panic at the thought of someone leaving?

2. Do you feel heightened anger or distress if others cancel plans with you?

3. Are you prone to emotional “highs” and “lows” based on others’ attention toward you?

4. Do you sometimes behave in ways you later regret to keep someone from distancing themselves?

5. Do you feel devastated by breakups or distancing, even if the relationship wasn’t healthy?

6. Are you often preoccupied with thoughts of people leaving or “abandoning” you?

7. Do you find it difficult to manage emotions during conflicts, fearing they’ll lead to abandonment?

8. Do you frequently relive past hurts where you felt abandoned or rejected?

9. Are you likely to “cling” to people or things when you feel insecure about your relationships?

10. Do you experience physical symptoms (e.g., heart palpitations, nausea) when you fear abandonment?

Scoring Guide

- High Impact of Abandonment and Rejection Fears (Over 60 “Yes” responses): 

This score suggests that fear of abandonment and rejection is deeply ingrained, potentially affecting multiple areas of your life. Developing healthy relationships and emotional independence may take conscious effort, but support systems like counseling can be invaluable in helping you work through these fears.

- Moderate Impact of Abandonment and Rejection Fears (30-59 “Yes” responses): 

Your responses suggest a moderate level of concern around abandonment and rejection. Working on self-assurance, setting healthy boundaries, and developing a secure sense of self can help lessen these fears and foster stronger, more balanced relationships.

- Low Impact of Abandonment and Rejection Fears (0-29 “Yes” responses): 

Your answers indicate a relatively stable sense of security in relationships. While occasional doubts are natural, you likely feel reasonably confident in your relationships and in setting personal boundaries.

Conclusion

Fear of abandonment and rejection can be powerful, often influencing how we interact with others and perceive ourselves. Recognizing these fears is a courageous first step, and every insight you gain helps build emotional security. 

You deserve relationships based on mutual respect, where you can express yourself without fear. If this checklist has brought some areas to light, consider exploring supportive resources, therapy, or self-help practices to reinforce a sense of safety and self-worth. Building a strong foundation within yourself can lead to healthier, more fulfilling connections with others.

If you found this checklist useful, check out our full collection of resources. Share these with friends and family to spread awareness and help others recognize important signs.

You might also enjoy exploring our “Resilient Soul Collection” of products which is specially designed for those who have experienced family scapegoating, grown up in dysfunctional families, dealt with narcissistic parenting, or are childhood trauma survivors.