Identifying Codependency and Boundaries Checklist

Codependency can often emerge from environments where boundaries and individual needs were disregarded, such as in dysfunctional or narcissistic family dynamics. 

This checklist is here to help you understand whether you may be experiencing codependent behaviors and boundary challenges. Recognizing these patterns is a positive first step towards fostering healthier, more balanced relationships. 

*Disclaimer

This checklist is designed for personal reflection and is not intended as a substitute for professional guidance. The questions are based on personal experiences and may help you identify potential patterns. Self-awareness is important, but it's crucial to seek professional support for accurate assessment and treatment. 

This website does not provide medical or psychological advice, and we are not responsible for any interpretations or actions taken based on the results of this checklist.

Section 1: Difficulty Setting Boundaries

1. Do you find it challenging to say “no” even when it’s necessary?

2. Are you afraid of conflict or tension if you assert your needs?

3. Do you feel guilty when you try to prioritize your own well-being?

4. Do you often suppress your own needs to avoid “rocking the boat” in relationships?

5. Is it hard for you to set personal limits with loved ones, fearing they’ll think poorly of you?

6. Do you feel responsible for other people’s emotions or reactions?

7. Do you avoid expressing your preferences to keep others happy?

8. Are you uncomfortable with the idea of having “personal boundaries”?

9. Do you find it hard to refuse requests from others, even if they’re unreasonable?

10. Do you feel selfish or unkind when putting yourself first?

Section 2: Over-involvement in Others’ Problems

1. Do you often feel compelled to “fix” other people’s issues?

2. Do you take on the role of “rescuer” for friends or family members?

3. Do you feel an overwhelming responsibility for others’ happiness?

4. Are you easily drained from investing time and energy into others’ problems?

5. Do you find yourself “absorbing” the stress and emotions of those around you?

6. Are you frequently involved in drama or crises that aren’t your own?

7. Do you struggle to prioritize your own needs when others are in distress?

8. Do you experience anxiety if a loved one is unhappy, even if it has nothing to do with you?

9. Do you believe your worth is tied to being helpful or supportive?

10. Do you often think, “If I don’t help them, who will?”

Section 3: Fear of Abandonment and Rejection

1. Are you afraid of being left alone, even if the relationship isn’t healthy?

2. Do you hold onto relationships to avoid feelings of abandonment or loneliness?

3. Do you feel unworthy of love if you’re not constantly giving or doing for others?

4. Do you become anxious if a loved one becomes distant, even temporarily?

5. Are you willing to compromise your values or boundaries to keep a relationship intact?

6. Do you worry that people will leave you if you don’t meet their expectations?

7. Do you feel incomplete or unworthy without someone to “take care of”?

8. Are you afraid of expressing dissatisfaction or anger, fearing it may cause someone to leave?

9. Do you stay in relationships even if they’re harmful, for fear of being alone?

10. Do you feel a constant need to earn approval to keep people close?

Section 4: Sacrificing Personal Needs

1. Do you prioritize others’ comfort and happiness over your own, even at a high personal cost?

2. Do you avoid making personal plans if it inconveniences someone else?

3. Do you feel guilty about taking time for yourself or practicing self-care?

4. Are you afraid to make decisions independently, worried about others’ reactions?

5. Do you often feel exhausted or burnt out from taking on too much for others?

6. Do you have difficulty identifying what you truly want or need?

7. Do you find it hard to engage in activities you enjoy if they don’t benefit others?

8. Do you feel resentful but struggle to express it, fearing it will upset someone?

9. Is your sense of identity tied closely to serving or helping others?

10. Do you feel uncomfortable when others take care of you or offer help?

Section 5: Difficulty Building Independent Identity

1. Do you struggle to separate your identity from your relationships?

2. Are you unsure of who you are outside of your roles in others’ lives?

3. Do you feel uncomfortable with being alone, needing constant companionship?

4. Are you overly influenced by others’ opinions about who you “should” be?

5. Do you feel disconnected from personal hobbies or interests?

6. Are you hesitant to pursue individual goals if it means less time with loved ones?

7. Do you experience self-doubt when acting independently of others’ expectations?

8. Is it difficult to make decisions without reassurance or approval from others?

9. Do you avoid speaking your mind, worried about differing from others around you?

10. Do you feel you’d be “nothing” without your roles as caretaker, partner, or friend?

Scoring Guide

- High Tendency for Codependency (40–50 “Yes” responses): 

Your responses suggest strong codependent tendencies and difficulties with boundaries. This may indicate a need for greater self-care, boundary-setting, and independent identity-building. Working with a therapist can offer valuable tools for strengthening your self-worth and fostering healthier relationships.

- Moderate Tendency for Codependency (20–39 “Yes” responses): 

Your responses indicate some codependent tendencies, though you may also have some awareness of boundaries and self-care. Building on this foundation through self-reflection and small steps in asserting your independence can be empowering.

- Low Tendency for Codependency (Less than 20 “Yes” responses): 

You may have a relatively healthy balance in relationships and self-identity. However, continuing to reflect on and reinforce boundaries can help maintain this balance, especially in challenging situations.

Conclusion

Acknowledging codependent patterns is a powerful first step toward reclaiming your self-worth and independence. If you find yourself identifying with many of these items, know that change is possible. Developing strong boundaries, prioritizing your needs, and reconnecting with your authentic self can bring profound growth and healing. Seeking guidance from supportive resources, such as a therapist, can further enhance your journey towards self-empowerment and healthier relationships.

If you found this checklist useful, check out our full collection of resources. Share these with friends and family to spread awareness and help others recognize important signs.

You might also enjoy exploring our “Resilient Soul Collection” of products which is specially designed for those who have experienced family scapegoating, grown up in dysfunctional families, dealt with narcissistic parenting, or are childhood trauma survivors.