Signs You Have a Secure Attachment Style Checklist
Having a secure attachment style means feeling confident and at ease in relationships, both with others and yourself. This checklist is designed to help you explore qualities that contribute to a secure attachment style.
Answering each question will give you insight into your relationship tendencies, emotional patterns, and approach to connection. Remember, achieving a secure attachment style is a journey, and awareness is the first step.
*Disclaimer
This checklist is designed for personal reflection and is not intended as a substitute for professional guidance. The questions are based on personal experiences and may help you identify potential patterns. Self-awareness is important, but it's crucial to seek professional support for accurate assessment and treatment.
This website does not provide medical or psychological advice, and we are not responsible for any interpretations or actions taken based on the results of this checklist.
Section 1: Comfort with Emotional Intimacy
1. Are you comfortable expressing your feelings openly with people close to you?
2. Do you find it easy to share your needs and desires in a relationship?
3. Can you handle emotional closeness without feeling overwhelmed?
4. Do you believe it’s healthy to rely on loved ones for emotional support?
5. Are you comfortable listening to your partner’s emotions without feeling defensive?
6. Do you usually feel at ease being vulnerable with others?
7. Can you openly communicate your boundaries in relationships?
8. Do you trust that loved ones will respond to your emotional needs?
9. Are you okay with your partner having emotional needs too?
10. Can you express affection without feeling awkward or self-conscious?
Section 2: Trust and Security in Relationships
1. Do you generally trust others to act in your best interest?
2. Do you feel secure and reassured in close relationships?
3. Are you able to give your partner space without feeling threatened?
4. Do you trust your partner’s feelings for you without constant validation?
5. Are you confident that you won’t be abandoned by loved ones without warning?
6. Do you feel your relationships are stable and predictable?
7. Are you able to resolve conflicts without fearing the relationship will end?
8. Do you accept constructive criticism without feeling personally attacked?
9. Are you secure enough to handle temporary relationship challenges?
10. Do you feel comfortable and trusting even when your partner is away?
Section 3: Healthy Boundaries and Independence
1. Are you able to say “no” to requests without feeling excessive guilt?
2. Do you feel it’s acceptable to spend time apart from your loved ones?
3. Can you enjoy time alone without feeling lonely or anxious?
4. Are you able to pursue personal interests without guilt or resentment?
5. Do you understand the importance of personal boundaries in relationships?
6. Are you comfortable letting your partner or friends have time to themselves?
7. Can you express your needs without fear of upsetting others?
8. Are you able to maintain your own identity in relationships?
9. Do you feel capable of balancing independence and connection?
10. Are you confident in your ability to care for yourself emotionally?
Section 4: Conflict Resolution and Communication
1. Are you comfortable discussing issues without escalating into arguments?
2. Can you address misunderstandings calmly and respectfully?
3. Are you open to understanding your partner’s perspective during disagreements?
4. Can you forgive and move on after resolving conflicts?
5. Do you avoid blame and criticism in arguments?
6. Are you comfortable taking accountability for mistakes?
7. Can you express anger or frustration constructively?
8. Are you able to remain calm and patient in difficult conversations?
9. Do you believe in resolving conflicts rather than avoiding them?
10. Do you feel satisfied with your communication in close relationships?
Section 5: Self-Worth and Emotional Resilience
1. Do you feel worthy of love and respect in relationships?
2. Are you confident in your ability to handle relationship challenges?
3. Do you generally feel good about who you are as a person?
4. Can you handle rejection without internalizing it as a personal failure?
5. Are you resilient in the face of setbacks or disappointments?
6. Do you maintain a positive self-image, even if a relationship ends?
7. Are you able to provide yourself with self-compassion during hard times?
8. Do you have a realistic view of yourself, both strengths and weaknesses?
9. Are you able to let go of past hurts to move forward in life?
10. Do you feel secure in your relationships even if you’re facing difficulties?
Scoring Guide
- Over 60 “Yes” Answers: You’re likely securely attached, handling emotional intimacy, boundaries, and trust well in relationships.
- 30–59 “Yes” Answers: You have many secure qualities, but there may be a few areas where you could improve.
- 0-29 “Yes” Answers: There may be aspects of secure attachment that you struggle with. Reflecting on these areas and seeking guidance or support could help you develop a more secure attachment style over time.
Conclusion
If you answered “yes” to most questions, you likely exhibit a secure attachment style. This means you’re comfortable with intimacy, trust, and independence in relationships, which is foundational for strong and healthy connections.
If you found that some areas need work, remember that moving toward a secure attachment style is possible with self-awareness and effort. Emotional growth is a journey, and recognizing your strengths and areas for improvement is an empowering first step.
If you found this checklist useful, check out our full collection of resources. Share these with friends and family to spread awareness and help others recognize important signs.
You might also enjoy exploring our “Resilient Soul Collection” of products which is specially designed for those who have experienced family scapegoating, grown up in dysfunctional families, dealt with narcissistic parenting, or are childhood trauma survivors.