Toxic Friendship Warning Signs Checklist

Relationships are meant to support, uplift, and encourage you, but sometimes friendships and relationships can turn toxic, leaving you feeling drained, anxious, or devalued. Recognizing these patterns is an important step toward preserving your mental and emotional health. 

This checklist is designed to help you identify if a relationship in your life may be toxic, so you can make informed decisions for your well-being and build healthier connections.

*Disclaimer

This checklist is designed for personal reflection and is not intended as a substitute for professional guidance. The questions are based on personal experiences and may help you identify potential patterns. Self-awareness is important, but it's crucial to seek professional support for accurate assessment and treatment. 

This website does not provide medical or psychological advice, and we are not responsible for any interpretations or actions taken based on the results of this checklist.

Section 1: Consistent Emotional Drain

1. Do you often feel exhausted or stressed after spending time with this person?

2. Do you find yourself dreading interactions with them, even over small things?

3. Do they often make conversations about themselves, showing little interest in your experiences?

4. Are your emotions and feelings rarely acknowledged or validated?

5. Do they frequently bring negative energy or complaints into your interactions?

6. Are you left feeling guilty or responsible for their emotions after conversations?

7. Do they often dismiss your achievements or happy moments?

8. Do you feel that you’re “walking on eggshells” to avoid upsetting them?

9. Have you noticed that your mood generally declines when you’re around them?

10. Do they always seem to need something from you, whether it’s attention, favors, or emotional support?

Section 2: Lack of Support and Encouragement

1. Do they rarely celebrate your successes or milestones?

2. Do they frequently downplay or criticize your ambitions, goals, or dreams?

3. Are they quick to point out flaws or mistakes in your efforts?

4. Do they make you feel inferior, as if their achievements or goals are more important?

5. Have they discouraged you from pursuing things that make you happy or fulfilled?

6. Are they dismissive or indifferent to your problems, telling you to “get over it” or “toughen up”?

7. Do they make you feel guilty for seeking support or empathy from them?

8. Are they more likely to compete with you than to celebrate your wins?

9. Have they made hurtful jokes or remarks about things that matter to you?

10. Do they seem uninterested or annoyed when you share personal challenges or triumphs?

Section 3: Manipulation and Control

1. Do they try to influence or control who you spend time with or what you do?

2. Have they guilt-tripped you into doing things that make you uncomfortable?

3. Do they often use past mistakes or personal information against you?

4. Have they tried to isolate you from other friends, family, or supportive relationships?

5. Do they become passive-aggressive or give you the “silent treatment” when things don’t go their way?

6. Are they prone to making you feel guilty for having other priorities or boundaries?

7. Do they often place demands on your time and expect you to comply without question?

8. Have they tried to change you, whether it’s your personality, interests, or values?

9. Do they get upset when you don’t follow their advice or do things their way?

10. Do they often make decisions for you, assuming they “know what’s best”?

Section 4: Inconsistency and Unpredictability

1. Do they switch between supportive and critical behavior, leaving you unsure of where you stand?

2. Are they warm and friendly one day, only to act distant or harsh the next?

3. Do they make promises or plans, only to cancel or forget without explanation?

4. Are they often unreliable, failing to follow through on things they committed to?

5. Do they ignore or disregard boundaries one day, then seem respectful the next?

6. Do you find it hard to predict how they’ll react to different situations?

7. Are they often inconsistent in how they treat you compared to others?

8. Do they sometimes “disappear” or ignore you without warning or explanation?

9. Are you often left feeling confused about the true nature of the relationship?

10. Have they suddenly become cold or detached, only to return as if nothing happened?

Section 5: Lack of Accountability and Empathy

1. Do they rarely take responsibility for their actions, often shifting blame to others?

2. Have they refused to apologize or acknowledge when they’ve hurt you?

3. Are they dismissive when you express that something they did hurt or upset you?

4. Do they tend to ignore or dismiss your boundaries, especially when it benefits them?

5. Have they made you feel “crazy” or overly sensitive for being affected by their behavior?

6. Do they hold you to a high standard but excuse their own actions when similar issues arise?

7. Are they quick to label others as the problem, rarely reflecting on their own behavior?

8. Do they show little empathy or compassion, especially when you’re struggling?

9. Have they reacted with anger or defensiveness when confronted with their actions?

10. Do they lack understanding of how their actions impact others, including you?

Scoring Guide

- High Likelihood of Toxic Relationship (Over 60 “Yes” responses): 

This score indicates a strong presence of toxic patterns in the relationship. It may be beneficial to distance yourself from this person or seek support to maintain your boundaries and well-being.

- Moderate Likelihood of Toxic Relationship (30-59 “Yes” responses): 

Your responses suggest that there are some unhealthy behaviors in the relationship, which could be impacting your well-being. Identifying specific areas to set boundaries can help you regain control and protect your emotional health.

- Low Likelihood of Toxic Relationship (0-29 “Yes” responses): Your responses indicate fewer toxic traits, suggesting the relationship may be healthier overall. However, if you have concerns, occasional boundaries and open communication can help maintain a supportive connection.

Conclusion

Toxic relationships can have a significant impact on your mental health and self-esteem, often more than you may realize. Recognizing these patterns is an empowering first step toward creating positive changes. 

If this checklist revealed toxic traits in your relationships, remember that setting boundaries and seeking support are crucial steps in building a healthier, more fulfilling life. You deserve relationships that nourish and encourage you, and there are people who can provide that in your life.

If you found this checklist useful, check out our full collection of resources. Share these with friends and family to spread awareness and help others recognize important signs.

You might also enjoy exploring our “Resilient Soul Collection” of products which is specially designed for those who have experienced family scapegoating, grown up in dysfunctional families, dealt with narcissistic parenting, or are childhood trauma survivors.