Trust and Intimacy Struggles: A Self-Assessment Checklist

Emotional intimacy and trust are essential for deep and meaningful relationships, but for those who have experienced trauma, dysfunctional families, or challenging relationships, it can be difficult to open up and feel safe with others. 

This checklist can help you identify specific areas where intimacy and trust might be challenging, providing insight into ways to work toward healthier relationships.

*Disclaimer

This checklist is designed for personal reflection and is not intended as a substitute for professional guidance. The questions are based on personal experiences and may help you identify potential patterns. Self-awareness is important, but it's crucial to seek professional support for accurate assessment and treatment. 

This website does not provide medical or psychological advice, and we are not responsible for any interpretations or actions taken based on the results of this checklist.

Section 1: Fear of Vulnerability

1. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing personal thoughts or feelings with others?

2. Are you often worried about being judged or criticized when you open up?

3. Do you have a hard time asking for help, even when you need it?

4. Do you avoid situations where you might have to reveal your emotions?

5. Do you fear others will see you as weak or overly sensitive if you share your feelings?

6. Are you often dismissive or downplay your own emotions, even to yourself?

7. Do you struggle to express affection, even to those you care about?

8. Do you feel like you must “keep it together” rather than show vulnerability?

9. Do you feel pressure to always appear strong or self-sufficient?

10. Do you worry that being vulnerable will result in abandonment or rejection?

Section 2: Difficulty Trusting Others

1. Do you find it hard to believe that others have good intentions?

2. Do you worry about being betrayed, even by close friends or family?

3. Are you constantly questioning people’s motives, even when they’re being kind?

4. Do you find yourself avoiding forming close relationships due to fear of betrayal?

5. Have you been described as “guarded” or “closed-off” by others?

6. Do you have a hard time relying on others, even when it’s appropriate?

7. Do you find it challenging to share good news because you’re afraid it will be met with jealousy?

8. Are you skeptical or dismissive of compliments, thinking people are just “being nice”?

9. Do you feel you can only depend on yourself and not others?

10. Are you suspicious of people’s friendliness, feeling like it might be manipulation?

Section 3: Emotional Avoidance and Detachment

1. Do you often shut down emotionally when conflicts arise?

2. Do you avoid talking about your feelings or ignore difficult conversations?

3. Do you feel disconnected from your emotions or find it hard to identify how you feel?

4. Are you prone to “zoning out” or feeling numb when emotions run high?

5. Do you find yourself avoiding intimate or romantic relationships altogether?

6. Are you quick to change the topic or divert attention when feelings come up?

7. Do you feel uncomfortable with physical closeness or affectionate gestures?

8. Are you quick to end relationships rather than address issues or try to resolve conflicts?

9. Do you avoid spending time with people who are openly emotional or expressive?

10. Do you feel uneasy or annoyed when others open up about their feelings to you?

Section 4: Self-Doubt and Fear of Rejection

1. Are you constantly worried about not being “good enough” for others?

2. Do you worry that people will leave once they “see the real you”?

3. Are you often afraid of disappointing those around you, even if you try your best?

4. Do you feel like you have to earn love, friendship, or approval from others?

5. Are you overly concerned about saying or doing the “wrong thing” in relationships?

6. Do you apologize excessively, even for things that aren’t your fault?

7. Do you struggle to accept that someone could truly care about or love you?

8. Do you worry that you’ll end up alone if you don’t meet everyone’s expectations?

9. Are you constantly comparing yourself to others, feeling inadequate or lesser?

10. Do you often wonder if people would still care about you if you stopped trying so hard?

Section 5: Difficulty Maintaining Boundaries

1. Do you feel guilty when you say “no” to people, even if you need to?

2. Are you often worried that setting boundaries will push others away?

3. Do you feel responsible for other people’s feelings, especially if they’re upset with you?

4. Are you quick to put others’ needs ahead of your own, even if it exhausts you?

5. Do you find it hard to ask for space or time alone, fearing it’ll be misunderstood?

6. Are you afraid that asserting yourself will make you seem selfish or demanding?

7. Do you have a hard time standing up for yourself in relationships?

8. Do you feel responsible for solving other people’s problems, even at your own expense?

9. Are you hesitant to express when you feel hurt or disrespected by someone’s actions?

10. Do you feel like you’re always the one compromising in relationships?

Scoring Guide

- High Likelihood of Struggles with Intimacy and Trust (Over 60 “Yes” responses): 

This score indicates significant difficulty with emotional intimacy and trust. These challenges are common after difficult or traumatic experiences and can benefit from professional support and self-compassion to begin building healthy connections.

- Moderate Likelihood of Struggles with Intimacy and Trust (30-59“Yes” responses): 

Your responses suggest some difficulties with intimacy and trust, which may impact certain relationships. Being mindful of these patterns and setting gradual boundaries can support you in moving toward healthier connections.

- Low Likelihood of Struggles with Intimacy and Trust (0-29 “Yes” responses): 

Your responses indicate a healthier relationship with trust and intimacy, though occasional challenges are natural. Reflecting on any specific areas of difficulty can be helpful to further strengthen your connections.

Conclusion

Building emotional intimacy and trust can feel daunting, especially if past experiences have led to protective habits that make opening up difficult. Recognizing these patterns is a step forward in creating the space to heal and allowing new, fulfilling relationships into your life. 

If you found this checklist useful, check out our full collection of resources. Share these with friends and family to spread awareness and help others recognize important signs.

You might also enjoy exploring our “Resilient Soul Collection” of products which is specially designed for those who have experienced family scapegoating, grown up in dysfunctional families, dealt with narcissistic parenting, or are childhood trauma survivors.