Understanding Anxious Attachment: A Personal Checklist

Anxious or preoccupied attachment styles can create challenges in relationships, often marked by a strong need for closeness and validation, along with fears of rejection or abandonment. This checklist is designed to help you recognize patterns of anxious attachment that might be affecting your relationships and self-esteem. With awareness, you can work toward more balanced connections and a healthier sense of self-worth.

*Disclaimer

This checklist is designed for personal reflection and is not intended as a substitute for professional guidance. The questions are based on personal experiences and may help you identify potential patterns. Self-awareness is important, but it's crucial to seek professional support for accurate assessment and treatment. 

This website does not provide medical or psychological advice, and we are not responsible for any interpretations or actions taken based on the results of this checklist.

Section 1: Fear of Abandonment

1. Do you often worry that loved ones will leave you?

2. Do you feel panicked when someone important to you is unavailable?

3. Are you afraid of being alone or abandoned by those close to you?

4. Do you have trouble trusting that people will stay in your life?

5. Are you constantly concerned that your partner will lose interest?

6. Do you seek reassurance from others about their feelings toward you?

7. Do you fear that one mistake could lead to a breakup or friendship ending?

8. Are you always looking for signs that people are pulling away?

9. Do you feel insecure when loved ones make plans without you?

10. Do you struggle with jealousy when others are close to people you care about?

Section 2: Intense Need for Reassurance and Validation

1. Do you frequently ask for reassurance about others’ feelings for you?

2. Are you often seeking validation from others to feel worthy?

3. Do you feel better only when others confirm their affection for you?

4. Are you uncomfortable unless you’re being actively validated by others?

5. Do you rely heavily on others’ approval to feel confident?

6. Are you highly sensitive to even minor changes in others’ behavior?

7. Do you feel anxious if someone you care about doesn’t respond quickly?

8. Do you struggle to feel good about yourself without external validation?

9. Are you preoccupied with gaining approval in relationships?

10. Do you feel relief only when others reassure you of their commitment?

Section 3: Difficulty with Personal Boundaries

1. Do you struggle to set or respect boundaries in relationships?

2. Are you uncomfortable when others want personal space?

3. Do you feel rejected when someone asks for time alone?

4. Do you prioritize others’ needs over your own, even at your expense?

5. Are you often uncertain about where your boundaries should be?

6. Do you avoid expressing your needs for fear of pushing people away?

7. Do you have a hard time saying “no” to people close to you?

8. Are you uncomfortable if a loved one doesn’t include you in everything?

9. Do you feel like your happiness depends on others being close to you?

10. Do you often sacrifice your comfort to keep the peace in relationships?

Section 4: Emotional Intensity and Anxiety in Relationships

1. Do you find yourself feeling anxious and tense in close relationships?

2. Are you often on edge about others’ thoughts or feelings toward you?

3. Do you feel that your emotions become overwhelming in relationships?

4. Are you prone to worrying that others are dissatisfied with you?

5. Do you have a strong need to know what others are thinking about you?

6. Are your emotions about relationships frequently up and down?

7. Do you feel emotionally drained by the intensity of your relationships?

8. Do you become anxious if someone you care about seems distant?

9. Are you constantly analyzing others’ behavior toward you?

10. Do you often experience mood swings in response to relationship issues?

Section 5: Self-Worth Linked to Relationships

1. Do you feel your self-worth depends on being in a relationship?

2. Are you self-critical when others don’t respond as you hoped?

3. Do you feel incomplete or unworthy without a close relationship?

4. Are you more focused on others’ happiness than your own?

5. Do you often blame yourself when relationships face issues?

6. Do you struggle with feeling good about yourself without a partner?

7. Are you easily hurt if someone doesn’t reciprocate your affection?

8. Do you feel validated only when someone loves or approves of you?

9. Do you worry about not being “enough” for others?

10. Are you prone to self-doubt when others pull away or act distant?

Scoring Guide

- Over 60 “Yes” Answers: You likely have a strong tendency toward anxious attachment, with an intense need for closeness and reassurance.

- 30-59 “Yes” Answers: You may have moderate anxious attachment traits and could benefit from exploring areas where you seek validation or reassurance.

- 0-29 “Yes” Answers: You might display a mix of secure and anxious traits. This suggests some preoccupied attachment tendencies but with strengths you can build on.

Conclusion

If you answered “yes” to many of these questions, you may have traits of an anxious attachment style, marked by a strong need for closeness, reassurance, and validation. Recognizing these patterns can empower you to address areas where you seek security outside of yourself and build a more balanced approach to relationships. 

Remember, working on attachment style takes time, and the more you understand yourself, the more you can move toward healthy connections and self-assurance.

If you found this checklist useful, check out our full collection of resources. Share these with friends and family to spread awareness and help others recognize important signs.

You might also enjoy exploring our “Resilient Soul Collection” of products which is specially designed for those who have experienced family scapegoating, grown up in dysfunctional families, dealt with narcissistic parenting, or are childhood trauma survivors.