Understanding Avoidant Attachment: A Personal Checklist

The Avoidant Attachment style, also known as Dismissive Attachment, often develops as a protective mechanism in response to experiences where emotional needs were unmet or disregarded. 

People with this attachment style may struggle with vulnerability and prefer emotional distance, valuing independence and self-sufficiency over close connections. 

This checklist is intended to help you explore signs of avoidant attachment, providing insights into patterns that may impact your relationships and emotional well-being. 

*Disclaimer

This checklist is designed for personal reflection and is not intended as a substitute for professional guidance. The questions are based on personal experiences and may help you identify potential patterns. Self-awareness is important, but it's crucial to seek professional support for accurate assessment and treatment. 

This website does not provide medical or psychological advice, and we are not responsible for any interpretations or actions taken based on the results of this checklist.

Section 1: Preferences for Independence and Self-Reliance

1. Do you often feel more comfortable managing challenges on your own than relying on others?

2. Do you have a strong desire to be self-sufficient and avoid depending on others?

3. When others offer support, do you feel resistant or uncomfortable accepting it?

4. Do you prefer handling emotional issues alone rather than discussing them with others?

5. Do you feel that asking for help from others can make you feel vulnerable or weak?

6. Are you generally uncomfortable with others depending on you for emotional support?

7. Do you sometimes feel that you don’t really need close relationships to feel fulfilled?

8. When faced with stress, do you tend to withdraw and focus on yourself rather than reaching out?

9. Do you often view yourself as more emotionally resilient or “tougher” than others?

10. Do you avoid situations where you might need to rely on or collaborate with others?

Section 2: Emotional Distance in Relationships

1. Do you find it difficult to express your feelings openly, even with close friends or family?

2. Are you often hesitant to show vulnerability, even with people you trust?

3. Do you avoid discussing or showing your emotions in intimate relationships?

4. Do you feel uneasy or resistant when someone gets too close emotionally?

5. Do you frequently put up “walls” to keep others from getting too close?

6. Do you tend to avoid deep conversations about emotions with friends or partners?

7. Do you feel uncomfortable when others share intense emotions with you?

8. Do you find yourself withdrawing or distancing when relationships start to feel too serious?

9. Are you often perceived as emotionally distant or aloof by others?

10. Do you feel uneasy when others expect emotional openness from you?

Section 3: Challenges with Commitment and Closeness

1. Do you feel overwhelmed or pressured when someone wants a closer relationship with you?

2. Do you avoid committed relationships or prefer casual connections?

3. Do you feel trapped or anxious when a relationship becomes serious or long-term?

4. Are you prone to ending relationships to avoid getting “too close” or vulnerable?

5. Do you find yourself losing interest when a relationship begins to feel emotionally intense?

6. Do you have a history of leaving relationships when they become too close?

7. Do you avoid situations that could lead to long-term commitments or obligations?

8. Do you feel like your independence is at risk when in a close relationship?

9. Do you struggle with thoughts of being “tied down” when considering a committed relationship?

10. Are you often drawn to relationships that don’t require deep emotional involvement?

Section 4: Suppression of Emotions and Self-Reflection

1. Do you tend to suppress or ignore your feelings rather than dealing with them directly?

2. Do you prefer to “move on” quickly from emotional experiences rather than processing them?

3. Do you struggle to identify or understand your own emotions?

4. Do you avoid discussing emotions, even when they’re causing you stress?

5. Are you more comfortable with logic and practicality than with emotional reflection?

6. Do you dismiss your own feelings as unimportant or irrelevant?

7. Do you often feel that emotional issues are a distraction from more important matters?

8. Do you think of yourself as emotionally “neutral” or unaffected by stress?

9. Do you feel like it’s unnecessary to analyze or dwell on your feelings?

10. Do you struggle to recognize when you’re emotionally hurt or affected by something?

Section 5: Difficulty Trusting Others

1. Do you find it hard to trust others with your feelings or personal matters?

2. Do you often question the intentions of people who try to get close to you?

3. Do you feel uneasy sharing your personal life with others, even friends or family?

4. Are you wary of others’ motives, especially when they show kindness or concern?

5. Do you worry that opening up to someone might lead to disappointment or betrayal?

6. Do you feel safer when you keep others at a distance emotionally?

7. Do you tend to assume others will let you down or won’t be there for you?

8. Are you skeptical when someone says they want to support or help you?

9. Do you hesitate to fully trust even long-term partners or friends?

10. Do you feel you need to rely on yourself because others may not be trustworthy?

Rough Scoring Guide

- Over 60 "Yes" Answers: You likely exhibit a strong pattern of avoidant attachment behaviors, which may impact your comfort with intimacy and relationships.

- 30-59 "Yes" Answers: You may have some avoidant tendencies, which could impact specific areas of relationships and trust.

- 0-29 "Yes" Answers: You may have minimal avoidant attachment tendencies or have developed ways to work through these behaviors in close relationships. 

Conclusion

If you found that many of these questions resonated with you, it may be worth exploring the possibility of an avoidant attachment style. Recognizing these patterns can be the first step in understanding how attachment impacts your relationships and emotional well-being. 

While avoidant tendencies can provide a sense of independence, they can also limit the depth of connection you experience with others. Working through these tendencies with the help of supportive friends, family, or a mental health professional can be an invaluable part of healing and building stronger, healthier bonds.

If you found this checklist useful, check out our full collection of resources. Share these with friends and family to spread awareness and help others recognize important signs.

You might also enjoy exploring our “Resilient Soul Collection” of products which is specially designed for those who have experienced family scapegoating, grown up in dysfunctional families, dealt with narcissistic parenting, or are childhood trauma survivors.