Am I Dealing with a Narcissistic Sibling? Identifying Narcissistic Sibling Traits

Sibling relationships can be complex, especially in a family where there are narcissistic dynamics at play. Many people experience difficult sibling relationships, but it can be hard to tell if a sibling’s behavior crosses the line into narcissism. Narcissistic siblings often take advantage of the family scapegoat role, exhibiting manipulation, control, or emotional abuse that feels deeply toxic. 

This checklist is designed to help you reflect on your sibling’s behaviors and interactions to see if narcissistic traits are present. Please answer honestly based on your observations and experiences. This reflection might help you gain clarity on whether their behavior is beyond typical sibling rivalry and whether it’s time to set healthier boundaries.

*Disclaimer

This checklist is designed for personal reflection and is not intended as a substitute for professional guidance. The questions are based on personal experiences and may help you identify potential patterns. Self-awareness is important, but it's crucial to seek professional support for accurate assessment and treatment. 

This website does not provide medical or psychological advice, and we are not responsible for any interpretations or actions taken based on the results of this checklist.

Narcissistic Sibling Checklist

Section 1: Dominance and Control

This section explores whether your sibling tries to dominate or control you or others, often without regard for your feelings.

1. Does your sibling often try to control family decisions without considering others’ opinions?

2. Do they frequently dismiss or override your opinions, making you feel unheard or invalidated?

3. Are they often quick to assert their superiority in intelligence, looks, or accomplishments?

4. Do they use intimidation or make you feel afraid to disagree with them?

5. Have they ever taken credit for things you’ve done or claimed your accomplishments as their own?

6. Do they often try to dictate your choices, from hobbies to friendships or career?

7. Does your sibling expect you to conform to their way of doing things and criticize you if you don’t?

8. Do they make you feel obligated to “obey” them, even if they’re not the oldest sibling?

9. Are they dismissive or belittling when you stand up for yourself or disagree?

10. Do you feel as if you have to “walk on eggshells” to avoid their anger or irritation?

Section 2: Manipulation and Gaslighting

This section examines if your sibling uses manipulation to control or confuse you, making you doubt your own experiences or feelings.

1. Has your sibling ever denied or twisted events to make you question your memory?

2. Do they exaggerate their own achievements and downplay yours, often in a way that makes you feel “less than”?

3. Do they blame you for things that go wrong, even when it’s not your fault?

4. Are they skilled at lying or creating stories that paint them as the victim and you as the problem?

5. Have they convinced you that your feelings are invalid or overreactions?

6. Do they manipulate family members against you, creating alliances that isolate you?

7. Are they known to shift blame quickly when confronted, always finding ways to make you the “bad guy”?

8. Have they ever publicly embarrassed you and later denied any wrongdoing?

9. Do they make excuses for their behavior, often claiming that you’re too sensitive or “can’t take a joke”?

10. Do you feel confused after interactions with them, wondering if your perception of events is wrong?

Section 3: Lack of Empathy and Self-Centeredness

This section explores whether your sibling shows genuine empathy and concern for others or if they are mostly focused on themselves.

1. Do they rarely ask about your well-being, focusing mainly on themselves in conversations?

2. Are they dismissive of your struggles, offering little support or empathy?

3. Does your sibling seem more interested in your achievements as a way to compete, rather than celebrate with you?

4. Are they indifferent or even pleased when you experience setbacks or difficulties?

5. Do they monopolize family gatherings, making everything about themselves?

6. Have they ever shown jealousy or resentment when you receive attention or praise?

7. Are they often oblivious to your needs or feelings, even during significant life events?

8. Do they react negatively or try to “one-up” you when you share something positive about your life?

9. Do they make you feel that your emotions or concerns are unimportant or trivial?

10. Have they ever refused to help you in times of need, even when you’ve been there for them?

Section 4: Rivalry and Undermining Behavior

This section addresses signs of unhealthy sibling rivalry that may go beyond typical competitiveness.

1. Does your sibling make negative remarks about your choices, appearance, or lifestyle regularly?

2. Do they undermine your relationships with other family members or friends?

3. Have they ever tried to sabotage you academically, professionally, or socially?

4. Do they gloat or seem pleased when you encounter problems or failures?

5. Are they quick to criticize but rarely, if ever, praise you?

6. Have they ever spread rumors or lies about you within your family or social circles?

7. Do they make dismissive or sarcastic comments about your interests or accomplishments?

8. Does it seem like they want you to fail or are “competing” against you in ways that feel unfair?

9. Do they belittle your successes, acting as though they’re insignificant?

10. Do you feel like they constantly try to “put you in your place” or assert their superiority?

Section 5: Exploitation and Boundary Violations

This section covers behaviors where your sibling oversteps boundaries, often expecting special treatment or taking advantage of you.

1. Have they ever borrowed or taken your things without permission and refused to return them?

2. Do they pressure you into doing things for them, even when it’s inconvenient or unfair?

3. Have they exploited you financially, emotionally, or in other ways without reciprocating?

4. Do they assume you’ll always be there for them but refuse to help you in return?

5. Have they ever intruded on your personal space or privacy and dismissed your boundaries?

6. Do they use guilt or other tactics to make you feel obligated to fulfill their needs?

7. Have they expected you to sacrifice your time, money, or energy without any appreciation?

8. Do they treat you like a resource rather than a person, expecting you to drop everything for them?

9. Have they ignored or violated your personal boundaries, refusing to respect your limits?

10. Do they use “family loyalty” to justify their demands or guilt-trip you into compliance?

Scoring Guide

This scoring guide provides insight into whether your sibling’s behaviors align with narcissistic traits. Remember, this isn’t a definitive diagnosis—just a way to help you reflect on your experiences.

High Likelihood of Narcissistic Sibling (Over 60 “Yes” answers):  

If you answered “Yes” to most questions, it’s likely your sibling has significant narcissistic traits that could be deeply affecting your well-being. Setting boundaries and seeking support might be necessary to protect your emotional health.

Moderate Narcissistic Traits (30-59 “Yes” answers):  

 

A moderate number of “Yes” responses suggests some narcissistic tendencies that may create difficulties in your relationship. You might benefit from establishing clear boundaries and exploring strategies to manage their impact on you.

Lower Narcissistic Traits (0–29 “Yes” answers):  

If only a few statements resonate, your sibling may not have strong narcissistic traits. Differences in personality or minor conflicts may be causing friction, but they may not necessarily be narcissistic.

Conclusion

Thank you for taking the time to reflect on your relationship with your sibling through this assessment. Understanding family dynamics can be challenging, especially if a sibling’s behavior has affected you for a long time. Recognizing patterns that go beyond typical sibling rivalry can help you make empowered choices about setting boundaries, protecting your well-being, and finding the support you need.

If this assessment resonated deeply, know that you’re not alone, and some resources and professionals can support you in navigating difficult family relationships. Healing is possible, and setting healthy boundaries with a narcissistic sibling can be a powerful step toward a healthier, more balanced life.

 

If you found this checklist useful, check out our full collection of resources. Share these with friends and family to spread awareness and help others recognize important signs.

You might also enjoy exploring our “Resilient Soul Collection” of products which is specially designed for those who have experienced family scapegoating, grown up in dysfunctional families, dealt with narcissistic parenting, or are childhood trauma survivors.